003 | Goldenrod City | Video;

[nostabbing]

[Behold, Johto! A new video on your Gear network, consisting of...well, a small vertical sliver of visible light, and then two big hazy lumps on either side, bookending it with the blurry obstruction they create. Apparently someone hasn't quite grasped the concept of not putting your finger over the camera lens yet. And the way the feed is kind of wavering around probably only serves to reinforce the fact that it's a novice operating the thing at the moment.

Still, there is that visible sliver still, and after a few moments of drifting, it settles on the backs of two figures — one with blonde hair caught up in an inelegant ponytail, and the other in a fedora with two shaggy ears poking up from the ready-made slits in the brim. Any watchers in the know might recognize this pair as Parker and her Poochyena, side by side and apparently staked out behind what might just be the stone railing surrounding a low rooftop, watching something that as yet can't be seen by the camera.]

Okay. Here comes one.

[Her voice is an audible whisper, conspiratorial. And apparently directed toward the Poochyena at her side.]

Now we just have to get him to show us where the money comes from. [A few seconds pass; she peers intently over the edge.] ...Go.

[For about fifteen seconds, nothing happens. Then, suddenly, there is an audible THWACK, followed by some enraged cat screeching, followed in turn by some crashing and clattering, a bit of breaking glass, and finally, a set of rapidly scampering footsteps beating against the ground.

In reaction to the abrupt cacophony, the video jumps around a bit, as though even the cameraman's been startled; when the angle finally comes back around to Parker, the Poochyena now appears to be deadeyeing her expectantly.]

...What? [She protests with whispered indignation.] What am I supposed to do? I don't know how to grift a cat!

[The Poochyena continues to eye her, unfazed. She makes a face right back, but it ends up being a war of attrition that she ultimately loses, and the face shifts into a vaguely sullen pout.]

I still think my way's faster.

[The Poochyena never flinches, cocking his head in an eerily humanlike gesture.]

...Okay! Fine. [She sighs.] You know, you should just be in charge all the time anyway, you're the — hey! Gummy, don't play with that!

[UH-OH. SPOTTED. And abruptly, the video goes black.]

Comments

video;

[cakelover]

Well, cats like fish, right?

[ ...Apparently not concerned with this talk of where the money comes from or anything, Honey has opted to give advice (?) on grifting (??) a cat.

He spends his time in terrific ways, right? ]

video;

[nostabbing]

[Like Parker's really one to talk, she's already on a roof taking advice from Courage Wolf Nate the Poochyena about how to con a Payday out of a cat. IT CAN ONLY GO UPHILL FROM HERE.]

I don't have any fish.

[Still, that's kind of irrelevant next to the other thing that just came to mind at the sight of the call.]

Hi! I met some guys who know you. Did they catch up with you ever?

video;

[cakelover]

[ Parker's goal is 100% normal by Host Club standards, really. ]

Maaaaaa...I guess that wouldn't work, then! Well, does the cat belong to someone?

[ Guys who know him. He talks to a lot of people, but he's going to make a guess. ]

Hmmm? The twins? Hika-chan and Kao-chan? I'm not with them right now. Ah, I actually don't know what I'm going to do next. I should probably go find them again, or meet up with someone else~!

[ ...HE NEEDS A KEEPER. ]

video;

[nostabbing]

[...Nate the Courage Wolf Poochyena is kind of glaring at her right now. Maaaaaaaaybe she should move on from the cat thing.]

Uh-huh, I guess so. The ones who almost died in the woods. They seemed like they were in a pretty big hurry to track you down.

video;

[cakelover]

[ Or maybe he needs to keep them. ]

Ah, I just hitched a ride back with the first Kanto leader! I'll find them immediately after. I guess thinking on it, Takashi and I probably would be the most used to being outdoors? Ah, but I won't let them die! That would be too sad, don't you think??

[ He did offer to go collect them at that time, actually. But perhaps he should stop bopping around at a whim. ]

At any rate, those two are my precious juniors from home, so I'll look out for them no matter what.

video;

[nostabbing]

...Juniors?

[WHAT YOU SAY.]

They're younger than you?

[Honey Bazooka, you are like two feet tall and they are like...not. This is a perplexing suggestion to advance, here.]

video;

[cakelover]

Yes, they're two years younger than me, ne. Or three, for a little while...? In June it will be back to normal!

I'm nineteen, although I'm told I don't look it~!

[ There's a reason he was type-cast as the cute loli-shouta type.

Clearly hiding the fountain of youth in his back pocket, right? ]

[video]

[captainash]

...Please tell me you weren't going after a Meowth for its Pay Day.

[She couldn't be, right?]

[video]

[nostabbing]

The money has to come from somewhere.

[THE CAT IS NOT JUST PULLING IT OUT OF ITS ASS, MAN. ...she assumes.]

[video]

[captainash]

Half their attacks come out of nowhere, you should be used to it by now. I can already tell you they don't drag wallets or purses around.

[He can also disprove that one, if needed.]

[video]

[nostabbing]

Magic fire or water or lightning or whatever is different than magic money. It's real money. It's not even counterfeit!

[Parker takes money very seriously.]

[video]

[captainash]

Have you thought that this might be how they mint it in the first place?

[He gets it, though. He was pretty surprised when he first saw the attack, too.]

[video]

[nostabbing]

If they minted the money with stray cats, they wouldn't be strays for very long.

video;

[timelymaid]

The money...? For payday?

Actually, Captain Ash and I were wondering how that works with the local economy, a while back.

[ As in, HOW DOES IT NOT RUIN IT... ]

...I don't think we really came to any sort of conclusion, there.

video;

[nostabbing]

They've got to get it from somewhere. I think they're stealing it.

[And if they are, she wants to know how.]

video;

[timelymaid]

Do they, though? This place seems to function on video game logic! And video game logic allows for things like money coming out of thin air.

...Or walking into houses without announcing yourself.

[ That's literally her only explanation for the money-making-cats. HOW ELSE DOES IT WORK? ]

video;

[nostabbing]

[And suddenly, Parker's train of thought comes to a screeching halt, because this proposition has just presented her with two completely dichotomous possibilities, both of which have the potential of exploding her very mind.

#1: Money comes from thin air. Money has no actual value. Money is no longer worth having. THERE IS NO LOVE LEFT IN HER HEART.

#2: Money comes from thin air. Money retains its value despite flagrantly economics-defying principles. She can acquire endless sums of money and every bit of it will retain its full worth. EVERYTHING IS RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS FOREVER.

...This is, perhaps, too much to process at once.]

So you think it's all real money? Just from out of thin air. The cats just make money and anybody who grabs a cat can have all the money?

video;

[timelymaid]

I think it's all real money! People use it and it seems to be accepted, without...well, throwing the economy out of whack or anything of the sort.

There seems to be a limit to how many times the pokemon can use Payday in a day, though. ...Other than that, I don't think there are really limits to it. Definitely no laws about it that I've read about or heard of!

video;

[nostabbing]

[RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS, HERE WE COME.]

So I should get one of those money cats. ...Or ten.

[Nearby, Nate gives a slight warning growl.]

...or...one.

video; icon credit to colorfancy @ LJ! PRETEND THERE IS NO BOTAN. also sorry for all the edits, ugh

[angerpoints]

[... uh, did Yusuke seriously just watch a video of some lady trying to mug a stray cat for cash? Because he's pretty sure that's what just happened. He spends another minute peering at the screen of his PokeGear and trying to make sense of what he'd just seen, then finally decides to give up after that, huffing out a bewildered chuckle. Man, talk about desperate--

--wait.

Wait.

Was that... what's-her-name?

... oh man, it totally was!

Yusuke grins. Okay, this is too good. Like, yeah, it's also too bad about the cat, he guesses, but on the bright side, Yusuke totally just caught What's-Her-Name and her dog ambushing it, which means Yusuke can totally use this to mess with her. Don't ask him what he thinks she thought she would be accomplishing, jumping a cat for money like that: he's not yet been acclimated to Johto enough to know what Pay Day is, so he's assuming - for now, anyway - that she's either really, really bored, or just flat out balls-to-the-wall crazy. Either way, Yusuke's not letting it ruin his day any, and is, in fact, thinking it might actually end up improving it. And so, he switches his 'Gear onto video, pitches his voice about an octave higher than it is naturally, and emphatically cries out:]

Hey!

[Have a most impressively exaggerated Stank Face to accompany the jeering, painfully annoying voice the teenage boy on your 'Gear is so obviously putting on for you, Parker.]



Punch something other than that stray cat!

[If anyone out there is thinking they might've heard this before, fear not, for you are most certainly correct. OHHH, WHAT NOW, WHAT'S-HER-NAME. What. Now.]

video; yusuke you are a beautiful soul

[nostabbing]

[She doesn't jump at the sudden yell, but she does attend to it quickly — a difference that finds its basis in confidence and professionalism. You can't have skittish nerves when you're a thief of her caliber; jumpy thieves set off alarms.

Her cameraman, on the other hand, is not a thief, and as a result the return video jumps around a lot before finally Parker snatches it away to examine — oh, it's this guy. Really? What an asshole.]

I didn't punch the stray cat. My fighting mushroom did. Also I didn't do it just 'cause I was mad, unlike some people.

video;

[angerpoints]

[Well, at least he startled the camera guy! That's good enough for him. Thoroughly satisfied with himself, Yusuke drops his voice back down to normal and puts on his usual snarky Cool Guy drawl, a little smirk spreading across his face as he says:]

Riiight, you were just tryna nick its wallet. My mistake.

[Does Johto even have Wallet Cats? He wouldn't put it past it, given that he walked past a guy with a giant Beaglepuss Rock earlier. Seriously, and he thought his Pokemon were infuriating to look at.]

video;

[nostabbing]

Have you even seen one? They throw money at people sometimes. To attack.

[This is an important point of emphasis, really.]

So we're trying to see how they do it.

video;

[angerpoints]

[... HUH. Okay, well, that was definitely a new one. Yusuke's minutely tempted to make a gross joke involving strippers and derogatory terms for female anatomy, but fortunately for everyone involved, he manages to restrain himself from doing so, instead asking her:]

And this is just a regular cat? Not, like, a killer coin bank or something?

[... 'cause, uh, he did hear something smash in the background, there. HMMMM. . .]

video;

[nostabbing]

Ugh.

[You know what, Yusuke? Fine. Suddenly the video goes wild as Parker tosses it back to Gummy the cameraman — which is probably a good thing, because it also helps to disguise the fact that she sure did just JUMP OFF THE ROOF down into the alley below.

Several minutes later, she returns to the camera, a rather disgruntled-looking Meowth wrapped up in a light gray sweatshirt like a burrito, which in turn is clutched securely in her arms.]

It's one of these. See? CAT.