nostabbing | 016 | Goldenrod City

[It's been quite some time since a broadcast from "Alice White's" Gear hit the network; though she commentates on things fairly regularly, it isn't often that she finds herself occupied with an issue of enough importance to warrant putting out an all-points-bulletin to the network at large. But as it turns out, there's a holiday on the horizon and she's got an important message to make about it, and so today you all are getting Alice (aka Parker) sending out a public service announcement courtesy of Gummy-Cam and—

...Holy shit, that's a whole lot of chocolate spread out in front of her on the table she's sitting at while she films.

Hoo, boy, this is gonna be good.]

All right, listen up, people. It's February, and it's the seventh of February, and that means in one week it's gonna be the fourteenth of February, and the fourteenth of February means it's Valentine's Day, and whaaaaaaaat does Valentine's Day mean?

[A beat passes for emphasis, but hopefully no one was planning on chiming in at home with things like "romance" or "togetherness with loved ones", because the real answer comes a moment later as Parker holds up one of her heart-shaped boxes for emphasis.]

Chocolate.

[...Obviously.]

So you better get on it, because there's only a week left until Valentine's Day, and there's a lot of chocolate out there. There's milk chocolate, dark chocolate, raw chocolate, white chocolate which actually isn't really chocolate but people still eat it like chocolate, mint chocolate, orange chocolate, vanilla chocolate, coffee and chocolate, chocolate caramels, chocolate peanuts, chocolate-covered cherries, chocolate-covered strawberries, espresso chocolate which is so good that once you taste it you won't want to stop eating it — that's a lot of chocolate, folks.

[She sets the box back down on the table, fixing the camera with a steely look.]

But. You know what's noooooot chocolate? An obligation. You know what is an obligation?

[And up comes...what appears to be a manila folder with the word "TAXES" scrawled in red across its side.]

Taxes. Taxes, obligation.

[The folder drops, and up comes...a toothbrush.]

Brushing your teeth! Obligation.

[And away goes the toothbrush in favor of a roll of toilet paper.]

Putting out a new roll when you used up the last of the last one. Obligation.

[And at last, that goes away such that the heart-shaped box of chocolate can make a comeback — and what a comeback it makes, as she ends up hugging it the way that one might a stuffed animal.]

Chocolate? Not an obligation. Chocolate is your friend. Your tasty, tasty friend.

[And she looks up from her tasty, tasty friend just long enough to fix the camera with a very serious, unwavering look.]

So give people chocolate because chocolate is great, and not taxes.

[Following a winning smile, she makes a quick across-the-neck cutoff motion at the Pokemon behind the camera, and the feed promptly goes black.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If you know anybody who's ever said chocolate is an obligation, then they really don't know what they're talking about. Chocolate is great!

[And who even cares about taxes?]

I didn't know there were that many different kinds of chocolate, though. The only kind of chocolate I've ever had is, well....just. Yaknow, chocolate, chocolate.

I didn't even list all the kinds of chocolate there are! There's a lot more. You should go try them all so you know what they all taste like!

[...]

They're all in the stores right now because of Valentine's Day. You could definitely go, like. Right now.

[Parker he will do it, don't think he won't.]

I might have to take you up on that! Boy, I don't even know which one I'd wanna try first...

Which one is your favorite?

[Well, that...just gets her to pause a minute.]

...All of them.

[IT IS LITERALLY THE MOST HONEST ANSWER.]

[It's a good answer.]

Haha, fair enough! So I guess that means I'm just gonna have to go try all of the different kinds of chocolate to see which one I like the best.

Though I'm gonna feel bad if I just get a whole bunch for myself, so I'll have to give some away for Valentine's Day too, right?

Why not just get a bunch for yourself and then even more for everybody else? Then it's the best of both worlds.

Huh...I guess I could, but that would get really expensive fast, wouldn't it?

[Oh, right. Money. Normal people thought about...money.]

Y...es. But...that's why you've got a week? To save up?

Right, a week! ...really, I guess I could just go ahead and buy the chocolate, and then just make up for it by not spending a whole lot next month. I've saved up a lot already from the shows at the Circus we've already done...

[And honestly? Jimmy would spend his entire circus savings on every type of chocolate known to man.]

See! There you go. Fiscal responsibility. Fiscal delicious chocolate responsibility.

[He is so excited now Parker you just don't know.]

I'll go right away, then! I'd been meaning to think of something to get my friends for Valentine's Day anyway, but chocolate is perfect.

...What else would you get them besides chocolate, anyway?

[...that's actually a good question.]

Uhh...I dunno. Some other kind of candy, maybe?

[Or is chocolate the quintessential Valentine's candy.]

Well, I mean, you could do that too. Chocolate is candy but there's more candy than just chocolate.

I'm not sure what else I'd look for, though. This is...well, kinda the first time I've really gotten anything for Valentine's Day at all, so I don't wanna get the wrong thing, yaknow?

Last year I didn't get here until Valentine's was already over.

...They didn't have Valentine's Day where you're from?

[...WELL...]

Not really. Lucy...well, I don't think he'd really like it that much.

[Especially not a holiday centered around love.]

Oh.

[...]

Well, that sucks.

Yeah. It's not so bad, though. I've just gotta make up for it and have a really good Valentine's Day this year, that's all!

And who knows, when I get home, maybe I can tell him all about it and then we'll be able to celebrate it too, if I can convince him it's good enough to celebrate. Lucy's kindof like our mayor and all, so it'd be up to him.

016 | Goldenrod City | Video;

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