Parker

[It's been quite some time since a broadcast from "Alice White's" Gear hit the network; though she commentates on things fairly regularly, it isn't often that she finds herself occupied with an issue of enough importance to warrant putting out an all-points-bulletin to the network at large. But as it turns out, there's a holiday on the horizon and she's got an important message to make about it, and so today you all are getting Alice (aka Parker) sending out a public service announcement courtesy of Gummy-Cam and—

...Holy shit, that's a whole lot of chocolate spread out in front of her on the table she's sitting at while she films.

Hoo, boy, this is gonna be good.]

All right, listen up, people. It's February, and it's the seventh of February, and that means in one week it's gonna be the fourteenth of February, and the fourteenth of February means it's Valentine's Day, and whaaaaaaaat does Valentine's Day mean?

[A beat passes for emphasis, but hopefully no one was planning on chiming in at home with things like "romance" or "togetherness with loved ones", because the real answer comes a moment later as Parker holds up one of her heart-shaped boxes for emphasis.]

Chocolate.

[...Obviously.]

So you better get on it, because there's only a week left until Valentine's Day, and there's a lot of chocolate out there. There's milk chocolate, dark chocolate, raw chocolate, white chocolate which actually isn't really chocolate but people still eat it like chocolate, mint chocolate, orange chocolate, vanilla chocolate, coffee and chocolate, chocolate caramels, chocolate peanuts, chocolate-covered cherries, chocolate-covered strawberries, espresso chocolate which is so good that once you taste it you won't want to stop eating it — that's a lot of chocolate, folks.

[She sets the box back down on the table, fixing the camera with a steely look.]

But. You know what's noooooot chocolate? An obligation. You know what is an obligation?

[And up comes...what appears to be a manila folder with the word "TAXES" scrawled in red across its side.]

Taxes. Taxes, obligation.

[The folder drops, and up comes...a toothbrush.]

Brushing your teeth! Obligation.

[And away goes the toothbrush in favor of a roll of toilet paper.]

Putting out a new roll when you used up the last of the last one. Obligation.

[And at last, that goes away such that the heart-shaped box of chocolate can make a comeback — and what a comeback it makes, as she ends up hugging it the way that one might a stuffed animal.]

Chocolate? Not an obligation. Chocolate is your friend. Your tasty, tasty friend.

[And she looks up from her tasty, tasty friend just long enough to fix the camera with a very serious, unwavering look.]

So give people chocolate because chocolate is great, and not taxes.

[Following a winning smile, she makes a quick across-the-neck cutoff motion at the Pokemon behind the camera, and the feed promptly goes black.]

[It's a legitimately beautiful day in the neighborhood when the video comes on — the skies are partly cloudy but there are streaks of sun in places, and there's no snow on the ground. Rather, a bunch of probably incredibly confused plants have evidently decided that spring has arrived egregiously early this year, and are already starting to bud; the grass around is turning greener with every passing day, and ordinarily Parker would probably approve of that because green is objectively the best color, but today, she's...

Well.

From the looks of things, she's sitting against a tree in black jeans, a T-shirt, and a flannel hoodie over; her hair is long and a veritable mess, because she hasn't bothered to tie it back and she certainly hasn't bothered to brush it lately. And she's not really looking at the camera, despite being the one who intentionally turned it on. There's an equally tired-looking Eevee (one that, strangely, seems to be wearing a little white uniform with red trim) snuggled against her chest, and flanking her on either side are Nate the Mightyena (still in his dapper fedora) and Sophie the Ninetales (still in her diamond necklace collar), snug against her sides as though they're standing guard.

The camera angle is haphazard and sideways — not quite a Myspace angle, but clearly chosen without a whole lot of care for how the picture ultimately comes out.

Probably because it's a good reflection of Parker's mood right now.]

It's sixty-five degrees outside. In January.

[When she speaks, her voice is dull and flat — almost robotic, in the way she's just sort of pushing the words out.]

In January.

[A pause.]

Is the world ending? Maybe the world's ending.

[There's another pause, and this time when she speaks it's under her breath, more to herself than to the camera.]

Yeah. Maybe that's it.

[For a brief time, she doesn't say anything more, and then just when it's starting to look like she's forgotten she's still recording, the camera jiggles as her hand moves, and almost as an afterthought she switches the feed off.]