nostabbing | 016 | Goldenrod City

[It's been quite some time since a broadcast from "Alice White's" Gear hit the network; though she commentates on things fairly regularly, it isn't often that she finds herself occupied with an issue of enough importance to warrant putting out an all-points-bulletin to the network at large. But as it turns out, there's a holiday on the horizon and she's got an important message to make about it, and so today you all are getting Alice (aka Parker) sending out a public service announcement courtesy of Gummy-Cam and—

...Holy shit, that's a whole lot of chocolate spread out in front of her on the table she's sitting at while she films.

Hoo, boy, this is gonna be good.]

All right, listen up, people. It's February, and it's the seventh of February, and that means in one week it's gonna be the fourteenth of February, and the fourteenth of February means it's Valentine's Day, and whaaaaaaaat does Valentine's Day mean?

[A beat passes for emphasis, but hopefully no one was planning on chiming in at home with things like "romance" or "togetherness with loved ones", because the real answer comes a moment later as Parker holds up one of her heart-shaped boxes for emphasis.]

Chocolate.

[...Obviously.]

So you better get on it, because there's only a week left until Valentine's Day, and there's a lot of chocolate out there. There's milk chocolate, dark chocolate, raw chocolate, white chocolate which actually isn't really chocolate but people still eat it like chocolate, mint chocolate, orange chocolate, vanilla chocolate, coffee and chocolate, chocolate caramels, chocolate peanuts, chocolate-covered cherries, chocolate-covered strawberries, espresso chocolate which is so good that once you taste it you won't want to stop eating it — that's a lot of chocolate, folks.

[She sets the box back down on the table, fixing the camera with a steely look.]

But. You know what's noooooot chocolate? An obligation. You know what is an obligation?

[And up comes...what appears to be a manila folder with the word "TAXES" scrawled in red across its side.]

Taxes. Taxes, obligation.

[The folder drops, and up comes...a toothbrush.]

Brushing your teeth! Obligation.

[And away goes the toothbrush in favor of a roll of toilet paper.]

Putting out a new roll when you used up the last of the last one. Obligation.

[And at last, that goes away such that the heart-shaped box of chocolate can make a comeback — and what a comeback it makes, as she ends up hugging it the way that one might a stuffed animal.]

Chocolate? Not an obligation. Chocolate is your friend. Your tasty, tasty friend.

[And she looks up from her tasty, tasty friend just long enough to fix the camera with a very serious, unwavering look.]

So give people chocolate because chocolate is great, and not taxes.

[Following a winning smile, she makes a quick across-the-neck cutoff motion at the Pokemon behind the camera, and the feed promptly goes black.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Nothing's an obligation as death and taxes, as they say.

[ Ron, no one says that. ]

And of course, with Valentine's coming up and all... it's a season of obligation to make sure a pretty thing like yourself gets chocolate, eh? So... who should I address a box of Goldenrod's finest to then?

...What?

[Okay, of that, there is one point that stands out to the exclusion of all else and that point is someone is going to give her chocolate.

And that sounds like an excellent point.]

...You mean me? I'm Alice. Alice White.

S'only two things that're a real obligation in the world, if you ask me. Death'n taxes. Course, death's prolly less evasive than the taxes, eh?

[ Ron, that doesn't make it better. ]

It's my first valentines here so... I'd rather make a good first impression to the populace. What better way.

Maybe. But death comes for all of us, just like the IRS.

[PARKER...]

Chocolate makes a great impression, definitely!

Fancy seeing you trying to evade a reaper when he's come to collect his due!

[ Don't mind the laugh. It's only from his good mood. ]

Figured it would! It'd be hard pressed to find someone who'd likely turn down a box, the way I see it. What sort d'you like anyway?

[And at that she just kind of...looks down at the spread of boxes in front of her, brow furrowing slightly before she arrives at a conclusion.]

...I like every kind.

[IT'S SADLY TRUE. But she does catch, after a minute, that maybe she ought to supply a little more than just that.]

Caramels. The ones with caramels are really good.

You'd prolly be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't like sweets, the way I see it.

[ And give him a second. He's actually noting this down. ]

Caramels then. Can't go wrong with those! Anything else I should know?

...So wait. You're really gonna send me chocolates?

I'd like to think it my personal prerogative to make sure a lady isn't forgotten on Valentine's.

Present company included, of course.

Oh.

[She's almost tempted to kneejerk point out that she's not a lady, probably, but luckily everyone concerned she thinks better of it.]

...Thanks. That's really nice, thanks.

No worries, love! Also serves the purpose of being a good reason to get to know someone better, if you ask me.

[ He's just finding excuses to talk to people more, really. ]

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