Voicemail

[nostabbing]

"This is a generic voicemail message. To record a personalized message, please press one and wait for the ton..."

Comments

[nostabbing]

[What, there's fruit in there! And protein! It's a well-balanced...diabetes.]

Uh-huh! These are really good, you should have one. I'll save you some for when you get home, okay?

[ardent]

[...Well, if diabetes can be considered well-balanced, that admittedly is some pretty well-balanced diabetes, yes.]

...If you want.

[Eeurgh.]

A-Anyway, how have the Eevees been? And the others, if they're around?

[nostabbing]

They're okay.

[Wait.]

I don't train them to steal stuff anymore! We just do the drills that you taught them, promise. Just hup-hupping.

[ardent]

I didn't think you were, don't worry!

[...]

I'm going to need your help working something out, though - not with the Eevees, but with another...large group of things we may end up having to take care of for a while.

[nostabbing]

A large group? Like what?

[ardent]

...Did you see the message that came out a few days ago, from that one person who threatens to destroy things all the time? Not the silent one with the bombs, the one that's always shouting a lot.

[nostabbing]

The one who was trying to scam people by charging them like a hundred thousand dollars for a Bloober?

[ardent]

Yes, that one.

He's threatening to torture them if they aren't purchased.

[nostabbing]

Torture?

[ardent]

Well, he's saying he's going to use them as target practice, things like that!

At the same time, I'm not about to pay him a million dollars to get them all, and that's what he's asking for.

[nostabbing]

[...and suddenly this is all sounding conspicuously familiar, like the foundations of a setup she's participated in so many times before.]

So what're you going to do?

[ardent]

...I know a legitimate way that we can get one million from the organization, without them suspecting anything.

[It's going to involve a lot of sucking up to Celes, but you know what, if he offers her enough...]

That's still a million that I don't want him to be able to hold on to, though, no matter where it came from.

[nostabbing]

...So you want to pay him for the Bloobers and then steal the money back.

[ :|a ]

Are you going to run the Carson City Halfpipe?

[ardent]

...I have no idea what that is.

[nostabbing]

It's like the Brooklyn Peccadillo but without the taxicabs.

[ardent]

...I'm going to have to research these things, I can tell already.

[Aneki. Why.]

A-Anyway! Whatever it's called, I'm going to need your help with it; it's getting the money back that's going to be the problem, since I don't want to paint a target on someone if I can help it.

[nostabbing]

[Oh. Oh, wait, there it is.]

Those are the names of scams. It's okay if you don't know them. Nobody knows all of them except maybe Nate and Sophie.

[Moving on.]

What you have to do is tell him you want an in-person trade for the Bloobers. Tell him you don't trust a guy who'd threaten to damage the merchandise if people wouldn't pay, so you want to make the exchange in person. Make him send you pictures of the Bloobers next to a newspaper or something for realtime proof that they're not hurt, so he can't take the pictures in advance and scam you. Then you make the swap, your guy gets the Bloobers, his guy gets the case of money, and then you switch the cases of money.

[...]

I mean, unless you want to try to convince him that you're some kind of criminal mastermind and get him to reinvest the million in your criminal dealings, and then you just steal it that way. But that might not be such a good idea because there's no Interpol here to catch him.

[ardent]

That's what the...

[... :|a ]

The...grifter? That's what they're for, isn't it - making exchanges like that.

[nostabbing]

Yeah. I mean, it depends on the scam; usually the grifter is the person who convinces the mark to do the stuff you need him to do to make the scam work. You know how the word "con" in "con game" is short for "confidence"? That's what a grifter really does. It's not just being good at talking to people, it's getting people to trust you, so you can convince them to do things you need them to do.

[ardent]

...Ah.

[This is going to be such a wreck; he's still not sure he likes any of it - he's almost 100% convinced he doesn't, honestly - but their options are otherwise...not very good, and the consequences for not doing something about it are worse than the consequences of doing something at this point.]

Well...I'm sure we'll make it work...

[...]

You're sure this sounds like a decent idea, then?

[nostabbing]

You mean the switching plan, or the wanting to save the Bloobers in general?

[ardent]

...In general.

[nostabbing]

The switching plan isn't very good. If Hardison were here, he'd have all kinds of information on this guy and we could use it to figure out the best way to get him. Since it's just you and me, we're gonna have to work on that by ourselves.

...

But the saving the Bloobers thing, that's good.

[...]

You're worried because you don't like stealing and scamming people, right? Even if it's a bad guy you're doing it to.

[ardent]

Yes, that's it exactly.

[nostabbing]

Do you want me to just do it?