Parker (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nostabbing) wrote2015-02-07 04:31 pm
nostabbing) wrote2015-02-07 04:31 pm
Entry tags:
- alice can has friends plzkthx,
- all the thieves in the club say yeah,
- can't grift for shit,
- failing at social conformity forever,
- flee for your lives,
- help is this character development,
- learning to like stuff,
- no stabbing parker,
- no-context theater,
- noodle incidents everywhere,
- normalcy for dummies,
- parker what the hell even,
- shenanigans forever,
- surely this cannot possibly end badly,
- there's something wrong with her,
- this seems totally legit,
- what is even happening right now,
- ▶ goldenrod city
016 | Goldenrod City | Video;
[It's been quite some time since a broadcast from "Alice White's" Gear hit the network; though she commentates on things fairly regularly, it isn't often that she finds herself occupied with an issue of enough importance to warrant putting out an all-points-bulletin to the network at large. But as it turns out, there's a holiday on the horizon and she's got an important message to make about it, and so today you all are getting Alice (aka Parker) sending out a public service announcement courtesy of Gummy-Cam and—
...Holy shit, that's a whole lot of chocolate spread out in front of her on the table she's sitting at while she films.
Hoo, boy, this is gonna be good.]
All right, listen up, people. It's February, and it's the seventh of February, and that means in one week it's gonna be the fourteenth of February, and the fourteenth of February means it's Valentine's Day, and whaaaaaaaat does Valentine's Day mean?
[A beat passes for emphasis, but hopefully no one was planning on chiming in at home with things like "romance" or "togetherness with loved ones", because the real answer comes a moment later as Parker holds up one of her heart-shaped boxes for emphasis.]
Chocolate.
[...Obviously.]
So you better get on it, because there's only a week left until Valentine's Day, and there's a lot of chocolate out there. There's milk chocolate, dark chocolate, raw chocolate, white chocolate which actually isn't really chocolate but people still eat it like chocolate, mint chocolate, orange chocolate, vanilla chocolate, coffee and chocolate, chocolate caramels, chocolate peanuts, chocolate-covered cherries, chocolate-covered strawberries, espresso chocolate which is so good that once you taste it you won't want to stop eating it — that's a lot of chocolate, folks.
[She sets the box back down on the table, fixing the camera with a steely look.]
But. You know what's noooooot chocolate? An obligation. You know what is an obligation?
[And up comes...what appears to be a manila folder with the word "TAXES" scrawled in red across its side.]
Taxes. Taxes, obligation.
[The folder drops, and up comes...a toothbrush.]
Brushing your teeth! Obligation.
[And away goes the toothbrush in favor of a roll of toilet paper.]
Putting out a new roll when you used up the last of the last one. Obligation.
[And at last, that goes away such that the heart-shaped box of chocolate can make a comeback — and what a comeback it makes, as she ends up hugging it the way that one might a stuffed animal.]
Chocolate? Not an obligation. Chocolate is your friend. Your tasty, tasty friend.
[And she looks up from her tasty, tasty friend just long enough to fix the camera with a very serious, unwavering look.]
So give people chocolate because chocolate is great, and not taxes.
[Following a winning smile, she makes a quick across-the-neck cutoff motion at the Pokemon behind the camera, and the feed promptly goes black.]
...Holy shit, that's a whole lot of chocolate spread out in front of her on the table she's sitting at while she films.
Hoo, boy, this is gonna be good.]
All right, listen up, people. It's February, and it's the seventh of February, and that means in one week it's gonna be the fourteenth of February, and the fourteenth of February means it's Valentine's Day, and whaaaaaaaat does Valentine's Day mean?
[A beat passes for emphasis, but hopefully no one was planning on chiming in at home with things like "romance" or "togetherness with loved ones", because the real answer comes a moment later as Parker holds up one of her heart-shaped boxes for emphasis.]
Chocolate.
[...Obviously.]
So you better get on it, because there's only a week left until Valentine's Day, and there's a lot of chocolate out there. There's milk chocolate, dark chocolate, raw chocolate, white chocolate which actually isn't really chocolate but people still eat it like chocolate, mint chocolate, orange chocolate, vanilla chocolate, coffee and chocolate, chocolate caramels, chocolate peanuts, chocolate-covered cherries, chocolate-covered strawberries, espresso chocolate which is so good that once you taste it you won't want to stop eating it — that's a lot of chocolate, folks.
[She sets the box back down on the table, fixing the camera with a steely look.]
But. You know what's noooooot chocolate? An obligation. You know what is an obligation?
[And up comes...what appears to be a manila folder with the word "TAXES" scrawled in red across its side.]
Taxes. Taxes, obligation.
[The folder drops, and up comes...a toothbrush.]
Brushing your teeth! Obligation.
[And away goes the toothbrush in favor of a roll of toilet paper.]
Putting out a new roll when you used up the last of the last one. Obligation.
[And at last, that goes away such that the heart-shaped box of chocolate can make a comeback — and what a comeback it makes, as she ends up hugging it the way that one might a stuffed animal.]
Chocolate? Not an obligation. Chocolate is your friend. Your tasty, tasty friend.
[And she looks up from her tasty, tasty friend just long enough to fix the camera with a very serious, unwavering look.]
So give people chocolate because chocolate is great, and not taxes.
[Following a winning smile, she makes a quick across-the-neck cutoff motion at the Pokemon behind the camera, and the feed promptly goes black.]
[video]
[Yes, that is literally the first thing Hagakure's going to say to this entire post.]
Anyway uh, what's this all about? Did you buy all that chocolate for yourself?
[He was thinking of trying to do Valentine's Day the western way this year since there are special circumstances this time around, but now he doesn't know what kind to get Parker if she's bought all the flavors out there.
Also why he can't just get unlazy and come downstairs to talk is another matter entirely.]
[video]
On the other hand, the public service announcement is doing its job. c:]
Uh-huh! Hi, Hagakure.
[...Wait. He's asking about chocolate. She sees where this is going. (Spoilers: she's wrong, but it's a noble effort.)]
This isn't for-Valentine's chocolate. That's later this week, 'cause you're supposed to hand-make it so it's extra good.
[#NailedIt]
[video]
...That also carries over into this conversation because oh crap, the girls usually do make chocolate for Valentine's Day, don't they? He's never even tried to do that before.
He laughs sheepishly.]
Oh, yeah! Duh, how could I forget that?
[Oh god it's gonna be a disaster in the Dangan kitchen when he tries this.
...but anyway...]
So d'you need help disposing of the non-Valentine's ones then?
[video]
...Okay. Do you want some? I have a lot, so I probably have your favorite somewhere. If you have a favorite.
[video]
Sure! I'm a straight-up plain chocolate kinda guy, but I won't turn down ones with peanut butter. But y'know what's really the best, and what the Mayans and Aztecs had all the time? Hot chocolate!
[Hagakure no one asked you to bring ancient history into this.]
[video]
[Ancient history or not, it's gotten her attention, at least.]
Like the kind you drink with milk, or did they just...like, hot, like on fire...chocolate?
[video]
Not on fire, but they basically melted it and drank it like that. They also sometimes added spices in their chocolate mixes though. Spicy chocolate, can you believe it?
[video]
[video]
...Though I kinda think Christmas cookie spices would taste better.
[video]
[...Wait.]
Or both! Peppers and cookie spices. ...Maybe not in the same chocolate.
[video]
Whoa, you actually wanna try the peppers? Well, I guess if we do it together it won't be so bad... I think there might be some dried ones in the pantry? I dunno, I swear I've seen some in there before.
[The camera shakes a little bit as he gets up from his bed where he's been lying the entire conversation so far.]
That's probably where the cookie spices are too. Wanna race?
[Parker's probably gonna win but who cares.]