016 | Goldenrod City | Video;

[nostabbing]

[It's been quite some time since a broadcast from "Alice White's" Gear hit the network; though she commentates on things fairly regularly, it isn't often that she finds herself occupied with an issue of enough importance to warrant putting out an all-points-bulletin to the network at large. But as it turns out, there's a holiday on the horizon and she's got an important message to make about it, and so today you all are getting Alice (aka Parker) sending out a public service announcement courtesy of Gummy-Cam and—

...Holy shit, that's a whole lot of chocolate spread out in front of her on the table she's sitting at while she films.

Hoo, boy, this is gonna be good.]

All right, listen up, people. It's February, and it's the seventh of February, and that means in one week it's gonna be the fourteenth of February, and the fourteenth of February means it's Valentine's Day, and whaaaaaaaat does Valentine's Day mean?

[A beat passes for emphasis, but hopefully no one was planning on chiming in at home with things like "romance" or "togetherness with loved ones", because the real answer comes a moment later as Parker holds up one of her heart-shaped boxes for emphasis.]

Chocolate.

[...Obviously.]

So you better get on it, because there's only a week left until Valentine's Day, and there's a lot of chocolate out there. There's milk chocolate, dark chocolate, raw chocolate, white chocolate which actually isn't really chocolate but people still eat it like chocolate, mint chocolate, orange chocolate, vanilla chocolate, coffee and chocolate, chocolate caramels, chocolate peanuts, chocolate-covered cherries, chocolate-covered strawberries, espresso chocolate which is so good that once you taste it you won't want to stop eating it — that's a lot of chocolate, folks.

[She sets the box back down on the table, fixing the camera with a steely look.]

But. You know what's noooooot chocolate? An obligation. You know what is an obligation?

[And up comes...what appears to be a manila folder with the word "TAXES" scrawled in red across its side.]

Taxes. Taxes, obligation.

[The folder drops, and up comes...a toothbrush.]

Brushing your teeth! Obligation.

[And away goes the toothbrush in favor of a roll of toilet paper.]

Putting out a new roll when you used up the last of the last one. Obligation.

[And at last, that goes away such that the heart-shaped box of chocolate can make a comeback — and what a comeback it makes, as she ends up hugging it the way that one might a stuffed animal.]

Chocolate? Not an obligation. Chocolate is your friend. Your tasty, tasty friend.

[And she looks up from her tasty, tasty friend just long enough to fix the camera with a very serious, unwavering look.]

So give people chocolate because chocolate is great, and not taxes.

[Following a winning smile, she makes a quick across-the-neck cutoff motion at the Pokemon behind the camera, and the feed promptly goes black.]

Comments

[video]

[crystalballer]

Sorry 'bout the roll. I meant to change it but I totally forgot. I'll get it next time, I swear!

[Yes, that is literally the first thing Hagakure's going to say to this entire post.]

Anyway uh, what's this all about? Did you buy all that chocolate for yourself?

[He was thinking of trying to do Valentine's Day the western way this year since there are special circumstances this time around, but now he doesn't know what kind to get Parker if she's bought all the flavors out there.

Also why he can't just get unlazy and come downstairs to talk is another matter entirely.]

[video]

[nostabbing]

[...HAGAKURE OH NO.

On the other hand, the public service announcement is doing its job. c:]

Uh-huh! Hi, Hagakure.

[...Wait. He's asking about chocolate. She sees where this is going. (Spoilers: she's wrong, but it's a noble effort.)]

This isn't for-Valentine's chocolate. That's later this week, 'cause you're supposed to hand-make it so it's extra good.

[#NailedIt]

[video]

[crystalballer]

[MISTAKES WERE MADE.

...That also carries over into this conversation because oh crap, the girls usually do make chocolate for Valentine's Day, don't they? He's never even tried to do that before.

He laughs sheepishly.]

Oh, yeah! Duh, how could I forget that?

[Oh god it's gonna be a disaster in the Dangan kitchen when he tries this.

...but anyway...]

So d'you need help disposing of the non-Valentine's ones then?

[video]

[nostabbing]

[GIRL PARTY IN THE DANGAN KITCHEN!]

...Okay. Do you want some? I have a lot, so I probably have your favorite somewhere. If you have a favorite.

[video]

[awesmazings]

If you know anybody who's ever said chocolate is an obligation, then they really don't know what they're talking about. Chocolate is great!

[And who even cares about taxes?]

I didn't know there were that many different kinds of chocolate, though. The only kind of chocolate I've ever had is, well....just. Yaknow, chocolate, chocolate.

[video]

[nostabbing]

I didn't even list all the kinds of chocolate there are! There's a lot more. You should go try them all so you know what they all taste like!

[...]

They're all in the stores right now because of Valentine's Day. You could definitely go, like. Right now.

[video]

[awesmazings]

[Parker he will do it, don't think he won't.]

I might have to take you up on that! Boy, I don't even know which one I'd wanna try first...

Which one is your favorite?

[video]

[ajustcaws]

...wow, that is a lot of chocolate! I'm gonna have to put in some overtime so I can give out so much chocolate.

...

Do people even pay taxes here, though? Because I'm not sure if... I... have been...

[video]

[nostabbing]

...I dunno. I've never heard of there being an IRS. And trust me, if there were an IRS, they'd make sure you knew about it. Especially around April 15.

[video]

[ajustcaws]

...Yeah, I don't remember anything like that happening around April. I guess we're in the clear! Woo, no taxes!

[video]

[captainash]

...Okay, that's one perfectly good thing to associate with Valentine's Day, I'll admit.

[Another one being guilt; that, he'll only admit under pain of death.]

But I was under the impression that giving chocolates was only for romantic partners. Not for people in general.

[video]

[nostabbing]

...But then what about people who don't have a romantic partner? Then they don't get any chocolate.

[video]

[captainash]

Then they can buy their own, and get as much as they want in the flavors they prefer. If chocolate is the end goal, how it's obtained shouldn't matter.

[video]

[fatalissimo]

...Okay, I'll bite. Who snubbed you?

[No, really, you are really mad about giri choco for some reason.]

[video]

[nostabbing]

[WHO MAKES DISTINCTIONS LIKE THAT ANYWAY THOUGH]

...What?

[fatalissimo]

You're talking about giri choco, right?

video;

[diehardreaper]

Nothing's an obligation as death and taxes, as they say.

[ Ron, no one says that. ]

And of course, with Valentine's coming up and all... it's a season of obligation to make sure a pretty thing like yourself gets chocolate, eh? So... who should I address a box of Goldenrod's finest to then?

video;

[nostabbing]

...What?

[Okay, of that, there is one point that stands out to the exclusion of all else and that point is someone is going to give her chocolate.

And that sounds like an excellent point.]

...You mean me? I'm Alice. Alice White.

video;

[diehardreaper]

S'only two things that're a real obligation in the world, if you ask me. Death'n taxes. Course, death's prolly less evasive than the taxes, eh?

[ Ron, that doesn't make it better. ]

It's my first valentines here so... I'd rather make a good first impression to the populace. What better way.

video;

[a_sin_for_him]

Wait a moment, no one told me the gifting of chocolate is a tradition for this silly holiday....

[Gifts, yes, candy had been mentioned, but not chocolate specifically. The emphasis on romance of the holiday is still one that Lust doesn't understand, but the idea of a holiday centered around chocolate has her attention.]

What's the significance?

[If there was any, beyond chocolate being a common romantic gift.]

video;

[nostabbing]

...The significance is that chocolate is great.

[This seems logical to her, anyway.]

So everybody should eat chocolate and not because it's an obligation.

video;

[a_sin_for_him]

I don't think anyone will debate that point.

But is there any specific reason it's associated with this particular holiday?

I've never encountered Valentine's Day before.

[video]

[rocketralph]

_{[Now here's a stranger!]}

You and your chocolate. Bleck. Can't they come up with an alternative?

[video]

[nostabbing]

...Like what? Like caramels or those gummy jelly things with the sugar on top, or like...not candy at all?

[video]

[rocketralph]

I was just thinkin' maybe somethin' not so hard on your teeth. How've you been?