Voicemail

[nostabbing]

"This is a generic voicemail message. To record a personalized message, please press one and wait for the ton..."

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[nostabbing]

[A box!

...

A box with her name on it, even.

......

Okay, well, Alice's name on it but Parker can probably open it and see what it is even though it's apparently for Alice.

...

Maybe it's a bomb.

It could definitely be a bomb.

Sophie got a bomb in a vase of flowers once so it is entirely possible that there could be a bomb in this very tiny little —

...

box that smells like chocolate

Okay so this is either the most devious bomb ever because it's been baited with chocolate, or it isn't a bomb because there's chocolate in it.

Or it's a chocolate bomb, but who would do that. :|a

Does chocolate even explode? Corn explodes but chocolate might not. Because corn will betray you. Just like flour, flour will betray you too and it's not even made of flowers.

Wait.

...

Box.

Chocolate box.

Still smells like chocolate, this box.

And why would there be a bomb inside a oh my god it's a cake

...

.........

AND OFF SHE GOES TO FIND ISHIMARU]

[ardent]

[On today's episode of Things I Know So That You Don't Have To: the Nazis apparently once tried to assassinate Winston Churchill with exploding chocolate. Or, well, explosive devices with a thin layer of chocolate poured over them. Either way, it seems your answer to "who would do that" is "the Nazis," because of course it is.

That said, yes, it is indeed a cake and chocolates and none of it is bombs, and are you just going to be springing up out of nowhere because dear god you tend to do that, don't you.]

[nostabbing]

[And now that we've all sufficiently Godwinned the thread...]

Hi, Ishimaru!

[It appears that yes, yes she is.]

[ardent]

[Hey, it's not Godwinning until we actively compare somebody to the Nazis. Mentioning the Nazis in response to a question to which the answer is, in fact, "the Nazis" isn't in violation of the Law, there.

...anyway, the point of this is that Ishimaru is trying really, really hard to not just...jump a bit when Parker shows up because HELLO THERE.]

Ah, aneki! How are you doing?

[nostabbing]

[Someday she will get out of the habit of doing that (or at least figure out that it would be better all around if she didn't and then remember that better is a good thing), but it is not this day.]

I'm good! Did you send Alice chocolate?

[ :3c ]

[ardent]

[...Well, yeah, but then he's just going to wonder if she's sick or something.]

I sent you chocolate! I just had to send it through Alice-san, that's all.

[nostabbing]

[In other news, it's a really good thing there are no third parties around, or that last exchange would sound weird as hell.]

Is it for White Day? I'm not wearing white but Chiaki said today wasn't about wearing white anyway.

[...]

But you're wearing white. So if it was, you'd be ready for it.

[ardent]

Chiaki...?

[ ... :|a ]

Ah, Nanami-kun, right! But I guess that's true, isn't it - though in that case, I'd always be ready for it, wouldn't I, no matter what day it fell on.

[nostabbing]

Yeah!

[The fact that she looks a little pleased with herself here is perhaps the only indication that what she just attempted there was Small Talk™, and as best she can tell, the two of them have just completed it admirably.]

...I'm not going to hit you with a butterfly net, though, okay?

[ardent]

[...wait what]

Why would I think you would?

[nostabbing]

Chiaki...Nanami-kun, whatever...she said it makes people like you less.

[ardent]

Well, yes, of course it would, because people don't like being hit with things!

[nostabbing]

...Ohhh.

[Apparently a lightbulb just went off — not actually the "people don't like being hit with things" one, but the logical chain of how hitting someone with a butterfly net would in fact reduce you from romantic attentions down to friendship.

Aha.

And then, gradually, some other stuff starts to add up too.]

Did you make it? The chocolate and cake and stuff.

[ardent]

[...Well, it's more likely to reduce you from "romantic attentions" to "OH GOD WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU" but yes, that would be why.]

Ah...no, unfortunately, I don't make things like that.

[nostabbing]

But you got it for me because I like chocolate.

[ardent]

Yes, of course!

[nostabbing]

[And there's her smile.]

That's the first time I've ever gotten chocolate from somebody on a White Day.

[ :|a ]

I think we like each other just the right amount.

[ardent]

I think so too!

[...]

...Aneki, please tell me you haven't hit anyone with a butterfly net recently.

[nostabbing]

Uh-uh. I didn't have one.

They have fishing rods at the store but I thought that's probably not close enough to be the same thing.

[ardent]

...Why do you want people to like you less, anyway?

[nostabbing]

Um. I accidentally...sent everybody boyfriend chocolate. Instead of obligation chocolate.

Chia— Nanami-kun said people might think I was trying to date everyone.

[ardent]

[..........]

Well, if they're not from Japan they probably won't know the difference, and if they are then they probably don't expect you to know the difference.

[nostabbing]

Did you know the difference?

[ardent]

[...uh.]

...You...do know I'm Japanese...?

[nostabbing]

No, I mean that I wasn't sending you boyfriend chocolate. Even though I had help from Creepy Eyes and she's Japanese.